True Leadership Requires You To Be Open To Criticism

I believe to grow as individuals we need to embrace the tough things in life. We need challenges. We need friction.

Whether it is a cold shower, a workout in the rain, staying focused in times of easy distraction (see Netflix, Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, Tik Tok, etc.), or what we will break down further in this post, tough or unwanted conversations about how we are showing up for others. Essentially we all NEED to be seeking some level of discomfort.

I’ve recycled Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote about stepping into discomfort and embracing an unsettled life more times than I can count, but I will do it again here as there is so much power within it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson shared these words ,“People wish to be settled but only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them.” No matter how many time I read, write, or recite those words it never changes their impact to my core.

The above quote also reminds me of what author Tim Ferriss has shared on numerous occasions. He feels strongly that ones success in life is directly related to the number of awkward (tough, challenging, unwanted) conversations one has.

“A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”

What these two great minds are sharing is that in order for us to grow as individuals, and I will take it a step further, to grow as leaders, we need to chase some pain in our life that in the long run will no doubt equate to pleasure.

So while I am a big believer in the power of embracing what is challenging in life like these tough conversations there is a caveat. You need to have a dance partner.

While sure you can have “tough” conversations with yourself and admittedly I’ve had a few just today but to truly get uncomfortable and to truly nurture your growth as a person you need someone else to play along. Truth be told at times just one person isn’t enough, you need a gang. At times you need a plethora of honest feedback just to get you to move.

Now the tricky part, we still need to solicit that honest feedback. We need to somehow solicit true uninhibited feedback on how we are showing up. Is that even available to you? Is anyone on your team willing to do that?Are those around you even comfortable enough to be honest with you?

If people are afraid of being constructive or critical of you then how can we gauge where we are at as leaders? How can we gauge where we are at as an entire team (family, work force, etc.) if there isn’t an open environment that encourages everyone to speak their mind when they feel they need to?

Breaking it down to a scientific level we need to look at ourselves as leaders and ask what have we done to alleviate any fear someone may have in sharing and being honest with us. Or we can go even deeper and ask on a psychological level if we have created an environment of psychological safety?

At the core what we are asking is this:

Have you placed enough time and attention on creating deep and trustworthy connections with your team that would allow them to feel a certain way about being honest with you. A certain way that will allow you to pull from them the feedback you need to excel to the next level as a leader?

A piece that I have recently heard shared on this that I feel is an interesting paradigm is from mental performance coach Justin Su’a . Su’a offers that if you’re truly wanting to solicit honest and critical feedback that will allow you to improve as a leader you may need to look at first being critical of yourself. Openly.

Taking an opportunity to let your team know how you feel about your latest staff meeting that you lead or perhaps breaking down how you feel you could have improved as a leader during the onset of the covid-19 pandemic. By showing your team that you are one of them and that in no way are you a master at your craft (yet) you may have created an avenue in which they feel more comfortable joining you on a journey down. As you show them the way down this avenue of honesty and openness you are being vocal and self aware of your own weak spots you have in your game as a leader and sharing them along the way.

Being vulnerable as a leader isn’t a sign of weakness, it is the opposite. By being openly critical of ones self will allow for your team to drop their apprehensions of being 100% honest with you because they see you being 100% honest with yourself.

How do we use this in our lives? Business? Relationships? I suggest the following:

Take the next 3 days and be fully self aware of how YOU are showing up in as many interactions as you can. Then through these interactions I encourage you, while still engaged in what is going on at that time for example your wife is sharing her story about how her best friends dog passed away we are also focused on how we are showing up. Are we fully present? How’s our posture? Am I making and holding eye contact? Am I engaged right now fully with this moment? After each interaction over these three days take notes, write down what you’re noticing about yourself and be very critical.

Take these findings to your wife, colleague, son, mom you name it, and openly critique yourself on how you showed up in that moment a few days back when (fill in the blank). When you’re done ask them if there is anything that they would like to add to that. I’d be willing to bet 99.9% of the people you interact will no doubt give you something really real. This realnesses is what we are looking for this is the data we’ve been mining for as we look to improve as leaders and as individuals.

We need to remember that what makes a great leader great is actually their followers. Empower your people to share with you openly and nurture critical feedback whenever you can. Do this consistently and watch the world around you change and your growth as a leader go absolutely through the roof.